|
Gwynwong31
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Lily
Country: Japan
Metro: Shikoku
Birthday: 1/6/1980
Gender: Female
Interests: Cinematic obsessions and artistic renderings of tastefully mutilated gingerbread men
Message: message me
Member Since:
12/12/2002
|
|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| Baugh. They can't cancel Pushing Daisies!!! I'm seriously addicted to this show. First of all, it's got PIE! Second, Lee Pace is in it. He's got some serious puppy dog eyes going for him. I love shows with both food and death! Please don't take away my weekly dose of it... why do I always fall in love with these shows (i.e. "Firefly") that never get enough publicity?? | | |
| I'm on a cornbread kick right now. Woke up at like 3:30am, with a major cornbread craving. Which I satisfied by baking up a pan of it and scarfing down half of it for breakfast with some butter and molasses (dunno why, but I seem to have molasses, but no honey right now). It was incredibly good. The only thing that would have made it better would have been some thick strips of bacon, or mebbe some sausage. But alas, I am on that new heart-healthy diet. Oh, how I crave solid gobs of steak fat. It's a comfort food thing.
I'm trying to stick to a healthier diet, but years of eating as I please has spoiled my self-discipline. I just need to look at this as a challenge, and not deprivation. So I keep telling myself. I don't want to end up like my dad, who's just a walking heart-attack-waiting-to-happen. I've reached a health milestone, my first high cholesterol count. It reminds me of when I got my first cavity, at the age of 20. I went for so long without anything happening, I just assumed I'd be fine - stuffing my face with fried chicken, pizza, fries, fried snickers bars, whatever. But no, the ravages of a fast food diet are starting to show, and I have gotta start being more conscientious. I read books by Michael Pollan, and I get momentarily inspired to eat better. But as soon as I have one bad day at work, I'm back at Mos Burger, ordering a double cheeseburger, fries, chili dog, and fried chicken. I guess I have to admit it now - I'm a fast food addict. I have to work on it, one day at a time. It'd really help if McDonald's wasn't just across the street, though... how will I survive moving back to the States???
| | |
| I didn't move. It's raining buckets. Life is allergen-heavy. I want to move into a dark cave.
Voting time. But why are the VP candidates so... bleh. Scary Sarah vs. Gaffe-y Biden. Fun fun. And my bank just got bought. We live in interesting times.
I am so narrative-challenged now. Enjoy the rain. I love Craig Ferguson. Please vote.
| | |
| First things first...
Happy Valentine's Day!! Apologies for the blog black-out. Been dealing with a number of issues recently, and it's been busy around here. But major props to justgotspaid, nobirth, kikibatsu, and greentiger81 for weighing in with their comments... I definitely appreciated knowing that there'd be people supporting me, no matter what I decided.
I finally told my mom my decision about recontracting, so now I guess I can write about it here. Looks like I am staying in Japan for a fifth year. Mainly for financial reasons. I've had a number of unexpected expenses come up over the past few months, and my savings are completely tapped out. And since I've got both expensive plane tickets and shakken to pay for next month, I wasn't looking forward to trying to figure out how to make my budget stretch even more. So screw it... I'm staying for another year. I simply don't have enough money saved up right now to deal with unemployment for any period of time, no matter how short.
Plus, I am being moved to a new position in August. And yes, this IS a plus! The main reason why I wanted to go home was because I felt like it was time to try something new. But since they are offering me a position in a different part of the prefecture, I would be working with new people, new students, and in a completely different part of the prefecture (the west side - which I know nothing about). Kinda looking forward to exploring west Kagawa. I've never been to Zentsuji, or the sand coin in Kanonji, or any of the onsens in Kotohira. I will miss being so close to the sea... but I guess I'll explore the mountains more.
More than anything, I just need a change. I wonder if I've become more or less angsty since I came to Japan? Naoshima Dan seems to think I'm a neurotic freak. I think I'm just overly self-absorbed. Can't see the forest for the trees, and all that jazz. I get so lost in the maze of mundane, little obstacles in my head, that I tend to reach blindly for guidance from anyone. I can't stop comparing myself to other people, because I have no other baseline. I haven't the faintest idea what I'm doing with my life. That'd be alright, if I were the genuinely easy-going, laidback sort. But I'm not. And it's tiring, trying to pretend that I am.
Part of me loves my life here. I love going to work, and playing with the kids on the playground, talking to them, and getting them to expand their image of what foreigners are like. This part of me says, "Ahhh...what the hell! As long as you're enjoying your life, why stress?? Who cares if you're barely making enough to pay your bills. You can't take money to the grave with you!" This would be the side of me that my mother did a pretty good job of nurturing.
Then another part of me looks at my bank account, and says, "What the hell is wrong with you? You need to start making more money! You need to start thinking about the future! Your family needs you! Stop being so selfish and caring only about your own happiness!" This would be my father talking to me. And my uncles. And my aunts. And probably my grandmother too, if she weren't senile.
These past few months, my family has needed more from me than I could give. And it was my fault for forgetting that I have a duty to my family. My parents struggled to provide for me when I was a child, and now, when it should have been my turn to provide for them, as they're struggling again... I have been an absentee, deadbeat bum.
And I continue that path for another year... another year's reprieve from making painful decisions.
Sigh. And the angst wins again! Time to watch some comedy... wish I could learn the art of viewing my own life as a comedy. Lord knows, it's had a few ridiculous moments...
| | |
| My supervisor just called. I just got asked if I wanted to re-contract for a fifth year here in Japan. I was asked if I would consider taking a position in west Kagawa. I am... torn. I don't have enough money saved up to go home as yet. Another year would be nice. I am very worried about finding a job. It doesn't sound like the economy back home is doing too well, and I am really worried about finding another job in a reasonable amount of time (say, two months???). And finding an affordable place to live in San Francisco (or anywhere else) seems very difficult. Or am I being too chicken about going home?
I dunno what to do. Opinions?
| | |
|
